I have been in a funk for several weeks now. If you could see the inside of my head, it would look something like this:
When I was younger I used to describe it as my brain feeling scratchy.
And I think my face has probably mostly looked like this:
I don’t know what it is exactly…a whole combination of things. Mostly, I think, I am hearing Time’s wingéd chariot just a little too loudly these days. I miss my mom, though that seems silly since she’s almost 4 years gone. When do you get used to these absences? I miss young Rachel. I mean, 21-year old Rachel has her own charms and appeals…but sometimes I really just miss the baby. I miss feeling young. I feel so damn middle-aged-verging-on-old. Perhaps I should take up sky-diving.
So…I’ve been knitting hard and reading lots of Terry Pratchett. I should have some knitting related pictures in the next couple days. Fingers crossed.
When I was younger I used to describe it as my brain feeling scratchy.
And I think my face has probably mostly looked like this:
I don’t know what it is exactly…a whole combination of things. Mostly, I think, I am hearing Time’s wingéd chariot just a little too loudly these days. I miss my mom, though that seems silly since she’s almost 4 years gone. When do you get used to these absences? I miss young Rachel. I mean, 21-year old Rachel has her own charms and appeals…but sometimes I really just miss the baby. I miss feeling young. I feel so damn middle-aged-verging-on-old. Perhaps I should take up sky-diving.
So…I’ve been knitting hard and reading lots of Terry Pratchett. I should have some knitting related pictures in the next couple days. Fingers crossed.
10 comments:
If it's any consolation, you're younger than SOME people you know . . . .
Go with the sky-diving. It's really fun. My brother took my mother and I sky-diving when the Possum was a year old. And mom enjoyed it, and got her best friend to try it the next year. Woosh!
And how sad is it that I feel exactly the same, only my "old" kid is ten? The Kit Kat is more into manga than picture books these days. Sigh.
If you wanna look into skydiving don't forget that I live with an expert. ^__^
Seriously, as you know, I'm also a member of the Dead Parent Club and am always here to listen. My experience has been that the pain never really goes away, it just gets easier to bear.
Or if not skydiving, I recommend taking up anything you know absolutely nothing about. That sense of total bewilderment grudgingly giving way to a slight learning curve... it's a lot like being young!
Says the middle-aged woman desperately trying to wrap her brain around web design.
I don't think you ever get used to missing people, at least not completely. It might be a different kind of missing, but it's still an absence.
Skydiving, frankly, makes me nervous. Perhaps something less likely to leave you as a pancake should things go awry? Eating pancakes, maybe?
Maybe you should join facebook so we can send you inane quizzes and get you to harvest our crops (and look at photos, etc). Hint hint.
Sorry, Tabby. Facebook drives me nuts. Mostly because of the inane quizzes and stupid "I'm sending you a drink" thingies and that sort of thing. Can't stand it.
I like the eating pancakes suggestion. And we musn't let Becca off the hook this year for Thanksgiving, yes?
I'm with you...Mom is gone four years ago tomorrow. It helps to go outside at night, do a little walking around and look up at the night clouds. Grateful to be this lonely for her rather than her being this lonely for me...maybe that's the final exchange between parents and children....
Maybe we should just start sending each other real drinks. I know that would do wonders for MY mood. (Not a Facebook fan here either.)
Yeah, Lisa, perhaps it's the disappointment that gets me. "Someone sent me a gin and tonic on Facebook and my mailbox doesn't even have a whiff of gin!"
Poor Becca...fated to hold Thanksgiving for us because she (a) bought a nice, big house and (b) is a decent housekeeper.
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